The Most Important Thing You Can Do This Summer: Read 10+5+5

Best Tip for Summer Reading | The Being Well Center

By mid-July, it happens. Soccer camp, popsicles by the pool, and road trips have ruled the days. But now, that first nagging thought blossoms: “Back to School is coming.” And with that comes fear of the Summer Slide.

Summer Slide happens as kids take a three-month break from reading, writing, and arithmetic. The school skills pursued so diligently over the year backslide from lack of use. All of us (kids, moms, dads, and even family pets) need a breather from the familiar tears-over-homework-at-the-kitchen-table scene, and summer can be that rejuvenating break for everyone. But is there a way to enjoy summer, avoid the dreaded Summer Slide, and head toward school success instead of catch-up?

Over our years of counseling kids and families through the Summer Slide to a successful transition into school, we’ve found one simple tip makes a huge difference: The Read 10+5+5 Summer Strategy.

Best Tip for Summer Reading | The Being Well Center

The Read 10+5+5 Summer Strategy

Reading skills need relatively little maintenance to stay fresh over summer, but neglecting the reading could have noticeable consequences at the start of the school year.

You’ll be amazed at how investing just 20 minutes a day, 3-5 times a week, in enjoying and discussing reading will have your child ready to jump right back into school.

The 10+5+5 formula is simple: 10 minutes of independent reading (or reading to younger, emerging readers), plus 5 minutes of writing about what’s been read, plus 5 minutes of discussing the reading with a grown-up.

10 Minutes Reading

Best Tip for Summer Reading | The Being Well Center

image via Flickr by EvelynGiggles

Require your children to read 10 minutes a day, 3-5 days a week or more. Make it a fun, relaxed time—pick cozy reading spots indoors or out, take a reading “field trip” to a coffee shop, or rearrange the bedroom to include a special reading chair or bean bag. Maybe your child has to finish his 10 minutes reading before video games. Maybe she can settle in to read while dinner’s being prepped. The time of day doesn’t matter, just the habit.

How to Find Books that Hold Interest

Especially for struggling readers, even 10 minutes of reading time can seem like an eternity and lead to power struggles. Fresh, interesting reading material can make all the difference. For ideas on great books specific to your child’s interests, age, and reading level, consult the expertise of your local librarian or peruse these expert guides:

What to Read When by Pam Allyn

The Read Aloud Handbook by Jim Trelease

Guys Read: Funny Business by Jon Scieszka

121 Books: A Very Subjective Guide to the Best Kid Books of All Time by Andy Ward

Summer Reading for 7-9 year olds by Tsh Oxenreider

Summer Reading for 10-12 year olds by Tsh Oxenreider

Relax it for summer: It’s summer, not school, so shoot for fun, interactive reading materials. Expand your definition of “books” to include things like magazines, graphic novels, comics, picture books, and newspapers. If it’s interesting to your child and can qualify as written material, let them explore it. The only rule here is that they have to spend 10 dedicated minutes reading.

5 Minutes Writing

 Once your child has finished 10 minutes reading, they should immediately turn to writing for 5 minutes about what they’ve read. The goal in this step is to encourage reading comprehension and enhance understanding.

If your child eagerly dives into writing about what he’s read, let him run with it.

If your child isn’t sure where to begin, you might write a question at the top of her reader’s journal page to prompt her thinking. Here are some strategy questions that stimulate responses to reading:

  • Summarizing: Leave the top of the page blank for an illustration of what has been read and the bottom half lined for a short written summary of what happened in the story.
  • Connecting: “This reminds me of…”
  • Questioning: Write down a quote from what you read and answer, “This makes me wonder/question…” or “I’m confused…”
  • Visualizing: Write down a quote from what you read and answer (or illustrate), “I get a picture in my head…”
  • Determining Importance: “This is really important…”
  • Synthesizing: “I get it! This reading makes me think about…”

Younger readers can participate in 5 Minutes Writing too—illustrating a scene from the story is as valid a response as writing words about it. They’re still thinking, summarizing, and expressing what they’ve understood. Goal accomplished!

Relax it for summer: Don’t worry about grammar, spelling, or editing in this writing step. Make the process fun by purchasing a new notebook for a Reader’s Journal. Buy a new pen or pencil. Find a dedicated spot in your house to keep the reading materials so they’re easy to locate when reading time rolls around.

5 Minutes Discussing

image via Flickr by Paul Hamilton

image via Flickr by Paul Hamilton

You may be the most critical part of your child’s summer reading experience. At some point after your children have finished their 10 Minutes Reading and 5 Minute Writing, take 5 minutes to discuss with them what they’ve read and thought about.

Your questions can be open ended or scripted. What matters is that your interest in your child, her activity, and her thoughts is sincere.   You may wait until bedtime when the house is quiet to discuss. You may bring it up while lounging at the pool. You may make a ritual of sitting with a glass of lemonade for 5 minutes of undivided attention when you get home from work. Or, you may outsource and call the grandparents for a telephone book report!

Relax it for summer: Be a listener, not a teacher. You are under no pressure to teach, guide, instruct, or assess. This is summer, the days are long and lazy, and you’re simply providing an interested, open audience to listen to your child’s thoughts. Some questions you might use to prompt the discussion:

  • What was most interesting?
  • What did it remind you of?
  • What did you wonder about as you were reading?
  • What part do you think I would enjoy reading?

Parents Can Read 10+5+5 too!

The most powerful move you can make to prevent summer slide is to model Read 10+5+5 for your kids. Why should kids have all the reading fun? Read 10+5+5 could be a great initiative to kickstart your summer reading list! Read 10+5+5 is an amazingly powerful way to connect with your kids and give yourself some well-deserved relaxation and meditation time in the process. Pick up a book and read alongside them! Pick up a pen and journal with them! Take 5 minutes to tell them what you’ve been reading and thinking.

 

ADD/ADHD Behavior Management Help for Parents and Teachers

image via Flickr, Rober Arévalo

image via Flickr, Rober Arévalo

How can parents, teachers, and childcare providers best manage behavior in children with ADD?

There is no simple technique that is effective in managing all children with ADD. Each child is unique and requires an individualized approach to promoting positive behavior change.

It begins with first really knowing who the child is and then setting realistic expectations.

When we discipline ourselves to do these two things, we minimize the likelihood that difficulties arise in the first place. Furthermore, when we reflect upon the child’s unique characteristics and set realistic expectations based upon these characteristics we equip ourselves with information essential to managing problems when they do occur:

STEP 1. Knowing who the child is

To understand the child’s unique pattern of individual characteristics, we must reflect on the answers to the following questions:

  • What are his strong and weak skills?
  • What are his attentional characteristics?
  • What are his physical abilities and limitations?
  • What stresses is he facing in his life?
  • What are his basic attitudes and beliefs?
  • How does he feel about himself?
  • Who are the significant people in his life?

STEP 2. Setting realistic expectations

Based upon the child’s unique pattern of individual characteristics, we must identify the appropriate expectations for academic achievement, social interaction, and independent functioning.

Encourage Independent Functioning

Only when these two steps have occurred can we effectively manage behavior, promote responsibility, and encourage independent functioning.

image via Flickr, Brad Flickinger

image via Flickr, Brad Flickinger

When problems emerge, we should take the actions described below (steps 3, 4, and 5) to ensure that individualized, effective management occurs.

These steps include determining the factors which are contributing to the problem, developing a plan which takes these factors into consideration, putting the plan into action, seeing what happens, and making changes in the plan as necessary:

 STEP 3. Determining the factors that are contributing to the problem behavior

To do this, we use our knowledge about the child’s unique characteristics to determine the following:

  • What specific expectation did the child fail to meet?
  • What characteristics of the child contributed to this failure/the problem?
  • What aspects of the child’s life circumstances contributed to the problem?

STEP 4. Developing a plan and putting it into action

In order to develop an action plan, we must reflect and act on the answers to the following questions:

  • Given who the child is and the factors contributing to the problem, does the expectation need to be modified? If yes, then how?
  • How is the expectation(s) best communicated to the child so that he understands it?
  • What can the child do, think, or say to increase the likelihood he will be successful in meeting the expectation?
  • What should happen if the child fails to meet the expectation; that is, should there be a consequence and what should it be?

STEP 5. Seeing what happens and making changes in the plan when necessary

image via Flickr, Simply CVR

image via Flickr, Simply CVR

We must reflect on the success of the plan; that is, we must determine whether or not the child is now behaving more appropriately. If he is not, we must identify what went wrong by answering the following questions and revising the action plan accordingly:

  • Were the expectations unrealistic?
  • Was the identified set of contributing factors inaccurate or incomplete?
  • Was the action plan–the method of communicating expectations, the structuring the environment, the child’s strategy, and the use of consequences–ineffective?

You’re not alone in struggling to identify and cope with the behavior challenges of ADD/ADHD!  Parenting and teaching children with Attention Deficit Disorder requires extra reserves of patience, reflection, and determination.  If you found hope in these questions, Dr. Liden provides more detailed guidance in his book, Accommodations for Success: A Guide and Workbook for Creating 504 Agreements and IEP’s for Children with ADD/ADHD.

Positive Rewards Backfire for Kids with ADD

Do reward systems work with children who have ADD?

In a word, no.

While the use of rewards may produce positive short-term improvement in behavior and are helpful in making kids feel good, they generally fail to result in long-term change.

image via Flickr, Lars Plougmann

image via Flickr, Lars Plougmann

In order for a person to change his behavior, he must stop and think before he acts. Initially, a reward may be attractive enough to motivate the ADD child to think before acting. As time goes on, however, he inevitably becomes bored with the reward; it loses its meaning and must be made more and more appealing in order to result in continued positive behavior.

From what I have seen in my patients, parents who rely on rewards to ensure appropriate behavior have to be very rich because very soon they cannot get the child’s attention with anything less than a new pony or some similar extravagance!

One of the biggest problems with the use of rewards as a technique of behavior modification is that it encourages the pattern of “I won’t do this unless I get what I want.” Without a “carrot,” the child does not behave appropriately. The real world does not work this way. We don’t have bosses who give us raises for making it to work on time, spouses who give us jewelry for making the bed, or friends who send us flowers for showing up for dinner on the right night. Rather in the real world, negative consequences occur when we fail to meet the expectations of daily living.

Some people are drawn toward the use of rewards and positive reinforcement as a means to build the low self-esteem that too often ADD children experience. In our enthusiasm to give these children a boost, we fail to appropriate that self-esteem does not come from a pat on the back, a new toy, or a dollar bill. Rather, self-esteem is an inside job–it develops from within when we face problems head on and make it through to the other side intact (even if we are stumbling), ready to face the next challenge that comes along.

Isn’t there any role for positive rewards in the management of ADD?

All of us appreciate a positive comment acknowledging our behavior, praise for succeeding at a new task, and simple expressions of affection.  This is certainly true for children, adolescents, and adults with ADD.

These positives can be especially important when the ADD individual is struggling with the impact attention weaknesses have on his life.

It is important for us to actively look for opportunities to give praise, a pat on the back, a little reward, and lots of cheerleading to the ADD individual for new behaviors, successes after struggles, and valiant attempts at difficult tasks.

These positives are valued as spontaneous expressions of feelings and thoughts. It is my experience, however, that when they become a negotiating tool or a method to coerce the ADD individual into good behavior, their value is lost.


Dr. Liden shares even more tips on effective responses to ADD/ADHD in his bestselling book, Pay Attention!

 

9 Traits You Should Know About Your Temperament

Temperament refers to our in-born (not learned) behavioral style. We all come into the world with a unique set of temperamental characteristics that remain stable throughout our lifetime. These characteristics modulate how we respond to every situation in our lives. Understanding our own temperament as individuals and the temperament of our children is incredibly helpful in being the best we can be and in bringing out the best in our children.

In our experience, understanding the concept of temperament and applying that knowledge to ourselves as parents and spouses and to those around us helps us to better understand behavior…struggles, failures, and successes. In fact, failure to understand a child’s temperament and the role it plays in his behavior and performance can be a major source of frustration for parents.

add treatment, family, the being well centerIn our model, there are nine dimensions of temperament and we all fall somewhere along a continuum for each one. The ranges for these continuums are presented in the next section for each temperamental trait. It is important to know that where an individual falls along this continuum for any given temperamental trait is neither good nor bad…it just is! In fact, the same temperamental trait (e.g., being very intense) that is helpful to us in one situation may interfere with our behavior or performance in another.

A key goal should be to understand our temperament and the temperament of the children we live and work with. We need to critically consider how any extreme temperamental traits might be contributing to problems in performance, behavior, or social interaction. When temperamental extremes do interfere with performance, behavior or social interaction, we need to learn how best to work around or control these extremes.

Therefore, when we suspect that an ADD/ADHD child’s or adult’s temperamental characteristics play a role in his failure to meet an expectation at school or work, we know we must develop some type of accommodation to address this contribution.

1. Activity Level refers to the amount of activity from high to low that we engage in throughout our day. Some of us are always moving and physically active; others of us are more sedentary and spend most of our time engaged in quiet activities. The child with a high activity level is likely to be in his element in gym class and playing tag during recess and to have more difficulty staying settled during quiet seated activities; on the other hand, the child with a low activity level might prefer sitting and drawing or reading during free time rather than going outside to play an active game.

2. Rhythmicity refers to the predictability of our daily bodily routines for sleeping, eating and going to the bathroom. It ranges from highly regular to highly irregular. Those of us who are highly rhythmic are hungry, have a bowel movement, and feel sleepy at about the same times every day. Others of us, who are highly irregular do not have a schedule or rhythm at all…our wake-up time varies from day to day; we feel ready for bed at different times and need to go to the bathroom at various, unpredictable times throughout our day. This unpredictability can present a challenge for the child who is asked to adhere to a rigid school schedule where everyone eats and takes bathroom breaks at the same time every day.

3. Threshold of Response refers to the amount of stimulation, ranging from high to low, we require before responding. Those of us with a low threshold require very little to make us happy, sad, angry, etc. Others of us with a high threshold require a lot before we react. The child with a very high threshold may be injured and not seem to notice his pain. At the other extreme, the child with a very low threshold may be bothered by the slightest noise, the frown from the teacher, the tags in clothing, the buzz of the fluorescent lights, the seams in socks, and the taste, texture or smell of food.

4. Frustration Tolerance refers to the level of difficulty we are able to experience before we become frustrated. Frustration tolerance ranges from high to low. Those of us who have a high frustration tolerance are able experience an awful lot of difficulty before we feel frustration. Others of us who have a low frustration tolerance become frustrated very easily. The child with a high frustration tolerance may be able to deal with repeated struggles and failures in the classroom without experiencing significant frustration. The child with a very low frustration tolerance, however, can be quick to experience frustration when asked to perform tasks of only moderate difficulty. This, in turn, sets him up for repeated struggles and can turn into negativity towards school and other learning situations.

5. Intensity of Response refers to the strength of our responses ranging from high tolow. These responses can be demonstrated outwardly or experienced inwardly. So it is not always easy to judge someone’s intensity of response by what we see. Our intensity is independent of the quality (negative or positive) of our response and the immediacy of our response (threshold).

add in school children | the being well centerThose of us with a high intensity of response experience or show strong responses. When we are happy we are very, very happy; when we are sad, we are very, very sad; when we are angry, we are very, very angry. Others of us who have a low intensity of response barely show a blip on the screen when our emotions are set off. A child with high intensity may become overly silly at birthday celebrations, rageful during a conflict on the playground, and immobilized with nervousness on math time-tests. On the other hand, the child with low intensity of response may not seem to react at all; she does not experience extreme excitement over a special event or intense disappointment over a failure. In fact, we may find it difficult to read the reactions of a child with low intensity, often misjudging low intensity for not caring.

It is important to remember that when observing for intensity of response, we can’t always judge the book by looking at the cover; some very intense people experience all their intensity internally; nail-biting, skin-picking, complaints of a tightness in one’s chest, stomachaches, jaw aches, or headaches, etc., may be our only clues to what is going on inside.

High intensity of response (externally or internally) is a very powerful temperamental trait. When present, it can rule over everything: good thinking, paying attention, proper self-control, and appropriate social skills to name a few. Failure to identify a high intensity response pattern and appropriately accommodate for it can, inadvertently, set a child up for turning to a variety of other dysfunctional behaviors in an attempt to cope with her strong reactions including such things as over-eating, drug use, and developing an “I don’t care” attitude.

6. Mood refers to the overall quality of emotion throughout the day ranging from very positive to very negative. Those of us with positive mood spend the greater portion of our day in a pleasant mood; we are likely to put a positive spin on everything; problems are challenges. Others of us with a negative mood may seem more critical throughout our day; we are likely to see the glass as half empty. A child with positive mood is generally pleasant in the classroom and may even struggle to recognize when difficulties are present or percolating. The child with negative mood is likely to respond with frown, a headshake, or critical comment to most anyone or anything.

7. Approach-Withdrawal refers to our initial response to new persons, places, events, and ideas ranging from highly approach to highly withdrawal. Those of us who are highly approach readily jump into attempting new tasks, meeting new people, and trying new foods. Others of us who are highly withdrawal resist trying a new activity, avoid attending a party with strangers, and step back from a different kind of food. The child who is highly approach will not hesitate to start a conversation with a new student or teacher, jump into new activities and embrace new concepts and academic challenges. The child who is highly withdrawal may struggle with new students, avoid new playground activities, and step back from an unfamiliar concept in the classroom.

8. Adaptability refers to the amount of time and effort it takes to adapt or accommodate to a new person, situation, or concept after our initial approach or withdrawal response. This can range from easy (highly adaptable) to very slow (non-adaptable). Those of us who are highly adaptable easily integrate new routines, expectations, and concepts into our life. Those of us who are slow to adapt struggle tremendously with these same changes. In the classroom, the child who is highly adaptable readily goes with the flow regardless of the changes in his day, such as routines, class structures, and rules. The child who is slow to adapt may require an extended time to get into the flow at the beginning of each school year, struggle with changing expectations, buck new rules, and resist changes in routines. This same child may seem slow to understand and integrate new concepts that are presented even when they are in sync with his ability level.

9. Persistence refers to how long we stick with tasks regardless of their difficulty ranging from very long to very short. Some of us are highly persistent even in the face of tremendous difficulty; we keep going and going and going. Others of us spend only a short time on a challenging task before giving up and moving on to something else. The child with long persistence resists giving up and will practice a task repeatedly until he has mastered it. This same child may struggle to stop an activity when it is time to move on if he has not yet mastered or completed it. The child with short persistence may stop practice before mastery, struggle to stick with longer, more complex tasks, and be ready to put down a challenging book long before the last page.

A Final Word about Temperament

9 Temperament Traits | The Being Well CenterEach of our temperamental traits is important and plays a significant role in shaping who we are, how we behave, and how we experience and respond to the world around us. While we have defined and discussed these traits individually, it is important to remember that in the real world these traits do not exist in isolation; they interact with each other to influence our behavior in a complex way. Subtle differences in temperamental profiles can result in dramatic differences in how they present themselves in our homes and classrooms.

For example, a child with a negative mood, long persistence, slow adaptability, low frustration tolerance, and high intensity of reaction may be very difficult to work with when this set of characteristics interact with each other to result in frequent, very big negative reactions that last a long time in response to the inevitable changes and challenges that occur every day in the classroom.

On the other hand, a different child with a very similar profile including a negative mood, long persistence, slow adaptability, low frustration tolerance, but a low intensity of reaction may be much less difficult to work with. This is because his low intensity of reaction means his frequent, negative reactions to the changes and challenges in the classroom will be milder and, even if they do persist, their small magnitude may not register on anyone’s radar.

Therefore, as we examine a child’s temperamental profile, it is important to look closely at each trait separately and then consider how each of these individual traits may interact with the others to shape the behavior and personality we are observing.

We’d like to share a quick worksheet to help you apply the 9 Temperament Traits to yourself or a loved one.  Download: 9 TEMPERAMENT TRAITS WORKSHEET.  Where do you fall on the spectrum?  Your spouse?  Your children?

What should happen when an ADD child fails?

Exactly what should happen when an ADD child fails to meet an expectation?

What should happen when an ADD child fails?An individual who fails to meet a realistic expectation should experience a consequence. Consequences are events that occur as a result of our actions. They provide us with the opportunity to reflect on the appropriateness of our behavior.

Parents and teachers have an important responsibility to think about how best to use consequences to promote positive behavior change, improve responsibility, and encourage independent functioning. Some general guidelines are helpful in selecting effective consequences:

  1. Consequences should occur only when expectations are determined to be realistic and appropriate, that is, achievable for a given child.
  2. Consequences must be negative. This is true despite the fact that this notion goes against the grain of what feels best for most of us.  It is critical to remember that a negative consequence does not mean a physical punishment or a highly punitive measure. Rather, a negative consequence is simply an undesirable event.
  3. Consequences must be individualized. What is negative for one person is not necessarily negative for another. For the shy, withdrawn child, missing recess, where the expectation is to play with other children, may not be negative at all. On the other hand, to the outgoing, active child, missing recess may indeed be negative.
  4. Consequences must be short term. When given a long-term consequence, most children, and particularly ADD children, will do one of three things: forget why they have received the consequence, adapt to the consequence so that it becomes meaningless, or badger the authority figure until the consequence is removed or negotiated, in which case the authority figure becomes less powerful the next time around.
  5. Consequences should be immediate. Although this is not always possible, it is best that a consequence occur as soon after misbehavior as possible. Immediacy helps to link the consequence with the misbehavior.
  6. The magnitude of the consequence should fit the misbehavior.
  7. Threatened consequences must occur.
  8. Consequences should occur after the first instance of an inappropriate behavior rather than after one, two, or three warnings.

Did you know The Being Well Center is a team of experts who are here to support parents and teachers?  In addition to doctors and PAs, we are counselors, nurses, dietitians, and behavioral therapists.  We support the whole person through all of life’s demands.


Our current blog series is excerpted from Dr. Liden’s best-selling book, Pay Attention!: Answers to Common Questions About the Diagnosis and Treatment of Attention Deficit Disorder.

Help for someone resistant to ADD treatment

add treatment, family, the being well center

What can be done to help someone who is resistant accept treatment?

How we can best deal with a family member’s resistance to evaluation and treatment varies dependent upon the individual’s age. In younger children, we rarely see resistance. Once they see the positive impact of medication and other strategies on their school experience, social interactions, and home life, most young children are happy and, actually, excited about treatment.

add treatment, family, the being well centerThere is much more resistance pre-pubertal children and young adolescents who frequently struggle with the notion that ADD and its treatment make them different from their peers. This is a developmentally appropriate response for children this age who can react intensely to anything that sets them apart . . . a pimple on the forehead, not enough pubic hair, or having to take a pill in order to pay attention. Parents of these children can promote acceptance by being empathetic and providing educational materials that demystify ADD and its treatment. In my experience, however, it is important that parents of the resistant young adolescent take charge by setting clear limits about taking medication and participating in follow-up counseling. Typically, resistance and struggles with acceptance at this age fade relatively quickly as the child matures and begins to appreciate that we are all different in some way.

When dealing with older adolescents and young adults, addressing resistance is often more challenging. We frequently see older adolescents or young adults who have struggled for years, been accused of being lazy or stupid, or been told that they could do it if they just tried harder. After years of failure, many of these young people develop a hard exterior shell, an “I don’t give a damn” attitude to cover up a very low and damaged self-esteem, and intense resistance to help. While educational materials and frank discussions about ADD and its long-term consequences can sometimes help to overcome the resistance, it is often necessary for parents to focus on establishing firm limits and to stop enabling in order to motivate the older adolescent or young adult to comply with treatment. This may mean taking away the car, refusing to provide spending money or, in the case of the young adult, withdrawing the comfort and support of continuing to live at home.

Addressing resistance to evaluation and treatment with an adult, particularly a spouse can be tricky. Adults may have many reasons for not wanting to become involved in treatment. Some may have developed a version of that hardened, self-protective shell and, belligerently proclaim, “I’m just fine the way I am!” Many adults with ADD, as a consequence of their poor self-monitoring, truly do not see the problems that a spouse, close friend or even co-worker sees. When this is the case, it is important for significant others to provide direct feedback when problem behaviors occur and be careful to avoid enabling, co-dependent behaviors that can mask the impact of untreated ADD. Learning to detach, let go, and take care of himself are important steps for the spouse of the adult with ADD.


Our current blog series is excerpted from Dr. Liden’s best-selling book, Pay Attention!: Answers to Common Questions About the Diagnosis and Treatment of Attention Deficit Disorder.

Early Diagnosis of ADD/ADHD

add in school children | the being well center

Can ADD be diagnosed before a child enters school?

Yes, but it is often difficult. The reason is that some of the behaviors that are red flags or indicators of ADD can be normal in the preschool-age child. This means that interpretation of behavior and test results is complicated. Interestingly enough, however, experienced preschool teachers can be amazingly accurate in identifying the child with ADD. They have the advantages of making observations over time and being in a position to compare a given child’s behavior to that of his peer group. This makes it possible to identify the child with ADD whose behavior is consistently more extreme.

add in school children | the being well centerEarly identification of ADD should be a goal for parents and teachers. This makes it possible to begin treatment before the child enters a destructive cycle of failure that can interfere with successful growth and development. Sometimes parents and teachers hesitate to identify and investigate an extreme behavior for fear of creating a problem where there really is not one. While this is an understandable concern, over the years I have learned that parents know their kids better than anyone (and teachers aren’t far behind).  Their difficulty, more commonly, is being honest about what they see and holding back, as opposed to inaccurately observing and jumping the gun.

Therefore, my advice to parents and teachers is: “If you think there is a problem, then there is.”

It may not necessarily be ADD, but something is out of sync. All developmental, learning, and behavioral concerns in children deserve some type of comprehensive assessment. The “worst thing” that can happen by taking the step to investigate a concern is that parents and teachers can be reassured that they are handling things in the right way!

And even more importantly, when we evaluate a problem, identify the factors–including ADD–that are contributing to the problem, and implement a specific treatment plan, we are likely to prevent the development of more significant problem.


How can you be sure your ADD/ADHD diagnosis is accurate?  One sure-fire way is to book a Discovery Session with Dr. Liden at The Being Well Center!  Another great way is to download Dr. Liden’s book, ADD Basics 101, currently offered as a free ebook.


Our current blog series is excerpted from Dr. Liden’s best-selling book, Pay Attention!: Answers to Common Questions About the Diagnosis and Treatment of Attention Deficit Disorder.

The ADD School Age Child

lifespan_schoolageWhat specific behaviors indicate that a school age child might have ADD?

Efficient attention is required for success in all areas of life. As an ever-present filter between the individual’s external and internal worlds, it screens all incoming and outgoing information to and from the brain. In this way, attention has a profound influence on how an individual experiences events and behaves in all life spheres: school, job, home, and neighborhood. It interacts with other skills and abilities to shape the quality of social interactions, school/job performance, and independent functioning. Therefore, behaviors that suggest attentional difficulty can appear in any area of a person’s life. The following behaviors identify some of the more common red flags that might signal ADD in school age children ages six to twelve years old.

The ADD School Age Child (Six to Twelve Years)

  •  Quitting activities before they are completed
  • Interrupting conversations; not taking turns when talking
  • Talking off topic
  • Failing to make eye contact
  • Jumping from one play activity to another
  • Requiring constant supervision to complete chores, routines, (e.g., dressing, bathing, etc.), and independent seatwork
  • Seeming to be sleepy, drowsy, or restless during learning situations
  • Rushing through things; doing sloppy work
  • Losing one’s place during reading; skipping, omitting, or reversing letters and words during reading and writing
  • Making careless errors on simple tasks; guessing at answers
  • Failing to check over schoolwork
  • Failing to finish work; being disorganized
  • Relying on parents for studying and organizing schoolwork
  • Forgetting and losing things; not remembering assignments
  • Talking out in class
  • Saying, doing, and writing things without thinking first
  • Failing to respond to discipline
  • Getting in fights
  • Having friends who are either much older or much younger
  • Looking disheveled: zipper down, shirt tail out
  • Seeming to be “spacey” or “out of it” at times
  • Walking into walls, doors, and furniture
  • Being accident-prone; spilling and dropping things

ADD Basics 101 | Dr. Craig LidenIf your response to this list is “Oh, boy.  I know a kid like that.  Now what?”,  go to ADDBasics.org and download Dr. Liden’s free guide, ADD Basics 101. In 10 clear steps, Dr. Liden will guide you to an accurate, trustworthy diagnosis and outline what you should look for in an effective treatment plan.


 

AFScovers2Maybe you already have a child identified with ADD/ADHD who is struggling in school.  Dr. Liden’s book, Accommodations for Success, is an amazing resource to help you understand your child better and get her the individualized help she needs to soar at school.


 

Check back tomorrow for red flags in adolescents’ behavior…

Catch up on previous posts in the Pay Attention series.

Our current blog series is excerpted from Dr. Liden’s best-selling book, Pay Attention!: Answers to Common Questions About the Diagnosis and Treatment of Attention Deficit Disorder.

ADD? Why can he concentrate on some things but not others?

Being Well Center | ADD and ConcentrationIf a person has ADD, why can he concentrate on some things but not on others?

At the right place, at the right time, and under the right circumstances, a person with ADD can pay attention. Generally, when this occurs, the individual is highly motivated and has strengths in the skills required to participate successfully in the task at hand.

Sometimes, the intrinsic characteristics of the object or event to which a person with ADD is trying to pay attention are so powerful that they act as magnets that draw out every ounce of attention. Television, the computer, and hand-held electronic games are the most common examples of such seductive magnets in everyday life. Paying attention to TV is a relatively passive act when compared to paying attention to Mom’s lecture about how to behave with the babysitter or the science teacher’s complex description of a chemical reaction.

Sometimes apparently efficient attention in a person with ADD is deceptive. He has simply learned to act attentive. His eyes and ears may be open and his head may be nodding acknowledgement, but he is not tuning in to the fine details of what is happening; in this way, he often misses the richness of the experience. It is only through formal assessment that we can determine the extent to which a person has really paid attention.

Catch up on previous posts in the Pay Attention series.

Patients of all shapes, ages, and sizes come to The Being Well Center and Dr. Craig Liden for diagnoses and treatment plans they can trust. Can we help you too? Visit The Being Well Center for more information about Dr. Liden’s services.

Our current blog series is excerpted from Dr. Liden’s best-selling book, Pay Attention!: Answers to Common Questions About the Diagnosis and Treatment of Attention Deficit Disorder.

Helicopter Parenting at College

For many college students, going away to school represents the first real opportunity to be on their own…some relish it, some fear it!  For many parents, this is a time when they may struggle to let go and allow their child to demonstrate self mastery, to show responsibility in meeting multiple new expectations, and to dig down deep to grow, achieve and, ultimately, graduate!

Navigating college challenges: the temperament of your significant others

Navigating college challenges: the temperament of your significant others

Large numbers of parents can’t negotiate the difficult transition from encouraging dependency to facilitating independence.  As a result, they become “helicopter parents,” hovering over every aspect of their college student’s life…daily “how are you doing” phone calls, repeated text reminders, wake-up calls, go to bed admonitions, daily grade checks on the college website, over the phone sobriety checks, tightly managing the bank account, and not so subtle threats about what will happen if he or she messes up!

It never ceases to amaze us how far co-dependent parents will go to protect their child from the reality of college life challenges.  One young man who recently came to us for help because he was struggling to meet expectations (i.e., submitting monthly reports, generating narratives to describe sales calls, etc.) in a job he secured with a Fortune 500 Technology Company after graduation.  As it turns out, these were demands he never really had to face at college.  “I never wrote one paper at college.  I would send the syllabus or the rubric for an assignment to my Mom who would do the whole thing and send it back to me to give to my professor!”

Most parents sense that this degree of co-dependency is wrong but persist because the pattern is deeply ingrained.  Oftentimes, it developed years earlier in elementary or middle school.  Nagging about homework.  Making flash cards for their child to use to study for exams.  Obsessive editing of papers and essays.  Doing the homework.  Eliminating chores.  Tolerating underage drinking or drug use.  Minimizing problems.  Blaming the teachers.  Providing rewards for doing the basics.

Once this pattern is established, it can grow ugly in high school.  The child oftentimes is dependent upon a nag or a reminder to get things done, yet becomes resentful, disrespectful, and manipulative when they get one:  “Quit nagging me!  I’ll get it done!  Why don’t you trust me?”  Such interchanges can put parents back on their heels:  “Damned if they do” (having to tolerate an “attitude” brimming with anger, intensity and negativity” or “Damned if they don’t” (fear of their child failing, losing opportunities, and not experiencing success).

When college comes along, it all gets magnified.  Parents can justify their enabling behaviors because they are only “rightfully” protecting their financial investment!

As parents, the forces behind enabling/co-dependent behavior are particularly powerful…love, protection, empathy, fear, sensitivity, sacrifice, and guilt.  So powerful, in fact, that they can sabotage all the positive things parents can do to promote their child’s independence and chances for success.

Here are some of the things they can do to trip parents up:

  • — Interfere with their ability to take an honest look at their child’s strengths and weaknesses
  • — Make them feel defensive when their child fails to meet an expectation
  • — Blind them to their child’s role in his difficulties
  • — Lead them to do for their child rather than support him to do for himself
  • — Inhibit them from imposing necessary and appropriate consequences
  • — Encourage them to blame others when things do not go smoothly
  • — Act as a barrier that prevents them from allowing their child to take on ever increasing responsibilities for himself

Because co-dependency is so common (particularly in parents of children with ADD/ADHD) and it can be a critical barrier to success at college, we encourage parents to examine their enabling tendencies before and during their child’s college years.  In our new book, Accommodations for Success we have a simple survey called “First Things First” that can help parents assess their enabling tendencies.  Check it out!  Be honest and see where you stand!  “What’s you enabling quotient?”

Sometimes, just being more aware of enabling tendencies helps parents reduce or control them.  However, when enabling tendencies interfere with a parent’s ability to develop and /or follow through with doing the right things to promote their child’s success parents may need to reach out for help.  This may be as simple as requesting a significant other to be a source of feedback when one demonstrates thinking and behavior that is enabling in nature.  Of course, inherent in this strategy is the need to be committed to being non-defensive and accepting of the feedback!

Some parents find that it is important to develop a support network or a buddy to regularly meet with to discuss some of these difficult issues.  Some find it most helpful to meet individually with knowledgeable professionals to help find a pathway to healthy thinking and behaving when it comes to promoting their child’s growth and development.  If you need some extra support with your co-dependent tendencies, give us a call at the Being Well Center…we’ve helped thousands of parents get their act together.

Failure to get these enabling behaviors under control can be a major barrier to independence and success.  Sometimes parents have to step out of the way in order to allow their child/student to move forward and reach his/her full potential.  If this is hard for you, then it is important to reach out to a spouse, a co-worker, or a professional for support to meet this most difficult challenge!  Stay on guard and work to avoid allowing these tendencies to interfere with your child’s success at college.